About Me

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I am well into my 30s and realize that I see the world differently than most of the people in my life. My views and beliefs are eclectically infused by my multi-racial background, love of the triune, over active brain, dual handedness and open mind to way too many things.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Watch what you say... it could have a bigger impact than you expected!

So I attend a bible study (D-Group) on Thursdays. We talk about Sunday's sermon, eat and laugh... you now, we fellowship!! The topic was church discipline, which sad to say I had limited knowledge of until this month. 

So as we were sharing somehow (I cannot remember how because it was after 8 pm and my mind slows around that time) we got onto the topic of adultery. One of my brothers gave this example from his life when he was married and talking about how he would say "I will never cheat! I am not that guy". He then described a conversation he had with a guy that pointed out that David was a man after God's own heart and he cheated, Solomon was the wisest and he cheated... (you get the point). AS he was talking the conversation went in a few directions and I just tucked what he said in the back of my mind.

Later that night I chatted with my "big brother" about my current relationship and a lot of missteps I had made in the past with this man and with others. It was a nice talk because for the first time I was really ahead of his advice. (you know not embarrassed and ashamed, but fully doing the things he was talking about). As our conversation moved to goofy chats and (faith based) sibling banter. I again tucked the words away thinking I would need to reflect on them later down the road when I was weaker in my walk! 

Neither of these men had said things that I thought were of great significance for my current situation. But I have been in the Christian game long enough to know that when something stands out hold onto it, because it will most likely come in handy one day. And the very next night I was faced with a choice that I would have not seen as one that could have led sin before their talks. 

*The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.
Proverbs 12:14-16

**Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that the next night I was propositioned for sex. It was NOTHING like that! I am in a God led relationship that has had some bumps in the road, but we both love God and respect each other and our walk(s) with Christ. 

It was an innocent request on his part and I knew it. I agreed (because I knew he was innocent in his thinking) and then quickly felt God nudge me. Then the words from a friend's friend about me not being stronger or better than these biblical giants untucked themselves and danced across my mind's eye.  Before I could call him back to alter the plans my big brothers words that had once seemed like confirmation now looked like a warning. I began to pray. I didn't pray for strength but instead for the ability to acknowledge my weakness. To share my weakness with this man in a healthy way that would allow him to see ways to lead me and protect me, even from himself at times. 

*But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12: 8-10.

After the prayer I called him and tried to cancel the plans. Because they were not a sin trigger for him my request seemed odd. At first he was openly frustrated with me. (I mean do you know what it is like to be two 30-something year olds going on dates to the mall and Target, to stay away from sin, and one of the pair shoots down an innocent idea because she is too hot in the britches for your simple plan?) But God softened his heart and opened his ears and we were able to work through it and have a great evening that led to a closer relationship instead of sin. 

This post is not to show how I took the Christian "highroad" because my tread has been worn thinmore times than not on that other path. I am fully aware that my journey is only good when I hand the map and flashlight over to Jesus! I want people to see that had these two men in my life chosen not to share their thoughts and past stories I would have not had them to reflect on, and this could have been a very different post. 

So when you have a chance to share a story, advice or wisdom, SHARE IT!!! You have no idea what God can do with your words! We are all sinners and need the tales of the other's pasts to assist us in out present and help seal the deal on the blessing God has for our futures!!

Thanks to my brothers in Christ for unknowingly helping a sister out!!!

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
Romans 8:25-27

And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling,
1 Corinthians 2:2-4 

Behold, you people of Israel, all of you, give your advice and counsel here."
Judges 20:6-8 

By insolence comes nothing but strife, but with those who take advice is wisdom.
Proverbs 13:9-11

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

You can't "Post"pone the feelings

So I see a post on Facebook from a "friend" that may or may not have been directed at me. She vented about how she could measure her real friends based on her recent move to a new town, and proceeded to list by name the only two friends she could count on. As you may have guessed I did not make that very short list. So if I do not call you as much as I did when you lived within walking distance, or don't just drop by because that would require filling up my gas tank more than once (well maybe not now with the Mini) I am not a friend. That obscured reality left me slightly puzzled. I find it funny that I never measured our friendship, and in fact it really takes a great deal of selfishness, manipulation and/or complete and utter disregard for yourself for me to really consider removing you from my circle. (Note - this in no way refers to my inner circle).

But come on. Do we really need to write these juvenile pleas for attention on a social site? Not only that, but do I need to know your man looked at someone while you were eating at Applebee's? Your baby daddy is getting married and you don't give a f*@k. And I am fully aware of what this says about the people I call "friends" on social networking sites, but some of them are regular competent people off line. Do we lose sight of the level of non-anonymity these sites really offer? Do we forget that right next to this posting of complete and shameless belligerence is a photo of ourselves? What has become of us that we can air our dirty laundry for the world and think nothing of it? Do we think that little of ourselves? And I am ashamed of the fact that it is usually women committing these foolish acts.

If you are lonely, be lonely. If you are mad, sad, angry, hurt or any other biting emotion go ahead and embrace it. But as I have always told young women (usually in reference to boys) - be careful what you write down!

When we show overly emotional displays to all 598 "friends" on a social site, our true friends are often times negatively impacted by it. If I am hurting I pick up the phone. When my heart was broken to the point where I was worried about being nonsensical, I went to the homes of those I truly loved and laid on the couch watching tv and laughing or crying to get through it. I did not post a monologue of pain and venom on Facebook.

When one of my very best friends walked out of my life I didn't talk about her using some vague description on Twitter. I leaned on my other friends to get me through it.

In my eyes Facebook, Twitter and all the others are for FUN!!! Not for over emotionally charged diatribes used to get the attention of one, but read by hundreds. It sickens me to think that we have become a people that cannot call on friends and admit hurt, defeat, fear or all those other emotions we push under the carpet for lack of wanting to admit that we actually feel them. Instead we will make light of the situation by "posting" a version of our pain that has been turned on its ear. Does it dull the sting? Lessen the bite? I don't think so. But maybe that is just me.

Pain brings a better understanding of joy. Loneliness brings a sweetness to love. Pressure turns coal into a diamond. If we constantly escape or make light of the negative emotions, we cannot possibly find or feel the good ones when they come.

If I had really hurt the woman who wrote the friendship post and she and called me to discuss it I could have told her that my life is crazy right now. That she remains in my prayers, that I read her posts to feel closer to her. But I would have also told her that I think she is moving too fast in certain areas of her life, that she should focus more on getting good employment.  But maybe this may be why there was a post and not a call. Because being real friends is hard and friendships come with every emotion listed in this post. But the good far outweighs the bad, at least in true friendships.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Pretty Means Perfect and Beautiful Means Better

So I have a friend who is extremely beautiful. I have known him for almost 20 years and have seen a transformation from a humble guy who just liked the regular things in life, could hold a good conversation and enjoyed the simple side, and is now a eccentric mid 30 year old who does not notice or obey social norms. The things that we learn from societies reactions to our behavior are very important to the development of our character. Like when you are young, if you pick your nose, people will make a terrible face at you (at least I do, there is no age where it is ok to stick your finger in your nose in front of others) and you begin to learn that it is not an appropriate behavior. Or when you embarrass someone with a comment and they change their tone or even end the conversation with you. These are all cues that we learn from society that help shape us into upstanding adults. Because, lets face it, your mom can swat your hand from your nose a thousand times and still have less of an impact as catching one persons disgusted look.

But what happens when you are so pretty (as my friend is) that society in general turns a blind eye to your little missteps, your odd remarks and your nose picking? What happens when no one backs up momma's advice because they don't want to risk being removed form your company, or ending the conversation or just hurting the feeling of a beautiful person? What happens is this, that beautiful person becomes a little uglier on the inside. They become less relevant to the things that matter in this world, they become less interesting and they become only their looks. If they have a talent like singing, acting or something that we can consume we are more apt to forgive them. But we still hold them in such high regard based on their beauty.

I bring this up, not because I have a issue with beautiful people, I love looking at God's handiwork. But because we put such emphasis on looks as it is, and when a person comes along with that knock you over freakishly beautiful beauty, we actually short change them. I am always telling my friend to do this or don't do that and that I am going to one day do a study on the effect of his beauty on his social development.  Had he never found out he was so pretty on the outside I would probably still be chasing behind the beautiful man that he was on the inside (I admit I chased the outside too! Shoot, I am no saint and I was only 19!). It saddenS me that the potential I saw in him at 19 was lost over 15+ years of people letting little things slide because of his outward appearance.

The same goes for others with the "super pretty gene"! We overlook Angelina Jolie's whoring, bed hopping, husband stealing ways, not because she is with Brad Pitt or feeding hungry people and adopting half of the brown babies of the world. She receives a pardon from her personality because she is beautiful. We cried so much harder when Alliyah died than Left Eye because of her uncanny beauty. And we overlooked the fact that Alicia Keys got pregnant by a married man that she was blatantly having an affair with because she looked so cute with her baby bump at their wedding and can sing.

So my theory is that had Angelina been just regular beautiful someone may have scolded her for her trampy ways and she may have changed before decimating several relationships. Maybe Alicia Keys Beats would have chosen a different route and maybe my boy would be more of the man he was intended to be. But we shall never know... and I apologize if my striking beauty has had a negative impact on anyone's life. I will try to do better.

It is not the only the beauties at fault in these less than magnanimous tragedies, but also the beholder. There is nothing wrong with a pretty face unless it is so pretty that it never learns when it is wrong.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I'm Back

So honestly I am unsure if anyone out there will even notice that I have returned to blog again. I suffered a bit of a heart break and did not want to write a bunch of jaded or sappy mess on this blog so I decided to just be silent for a while.
Now back to life in general and my take on it!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

A little "fruit" for thought

So I was having one of those days where you look at your life in a brief snapshot, and I was feeling a little pity-filled for myself. My job is the opposite of great, my love life is less than noteworthy, my basement is leaking... I could go on but you get the picture. I was talking to God about suffering and asking my Lord for simple understanding in this storm. Don't get me wrong, I know He should be and is, in fact, enough. But He is also my daddy, which makes me His "little" girl. And in my infancy I wanted more... Sad, but true.

So I headed to bible study, tired and less than enthused. And God met me right where I was. The man leading the bible study was talking about discipleship, but the Lord was talking to me about my "suffering". Now I am no fool, I know there are people persecuted daily for worshipping Jesus, starving people, abused children, loveless lives scattered to the corners of the globe. But even with that knowledge it does not take the sting out of a bad day, or week or how ever long it has been. But once the study got rolling, I was reminded that we grow through our suffering, we find endurance, develop the personality traits that the world falls short of having and a bunch of other delicious ways God uses us even while we are drenched by life's rain.
As I sat there I realized that I have grown so much this past year, while under the oppressive leadership at my job and indifference in so many other areas of life. It made me think of the purifying flames of fire, the pressure needed to turn coal into a diamond and that God's love is so unfailing that it can come in so many forms, and we need not decipher them but simply trust in Him, always.

As the rain pours and my umbrella flips over in the wind I am reminded that in my life I have seen an increase of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. And if it takes a downpour to grow these amazing blooms from the seeds planted in my life. Then I will smile and look to the sky with faith in the rainbow I have yet to see.

Galatians 5:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Be Beautiful

It is funny to me how a great beauty product, secret or stylist can be life changing. In January I was introduced to a new hair stylist. Those who know me know that I kept my hair short and overworked for well over a decade (if not two - but this blog post is about beauty not math so I am not going to take the time to be exact). I spent so many years getting mad at those "don't cut off too much" women at the salon. But I recently discovered that I too am one of those women and my former stylist didn't seem to care. So I ventured out with a head full of split ends to try someone new. By the end of the 1.5 hour process I was smitten with her skills. My hair was shiny, bouncy, beautiful and not too short. You know it is a great style when it saddens you to have to wash it. But I did and it is still cute!
I noticed as I walked out of the salon and the days that followed that I had a new pep in my step (and kink in my neck from flinging my sultry locks every which way I could).

Now don't get me wrong I am woman hear me roar! I don't equate my worth to my looks at all. And this in no way means I don't consider myself to be cute. I think we should all see someone beautiful when we look in the mirror, and if you don't go look a gain and stand there until you see something worth smiling about because God made you (and "God don't make no junk"). But a new cut, lipgloss, lost 5 pounds or what have you can really make a difference in the day to day grind.
So as snow falls across the majority of the country and summer seems like a fleeting memory, I say go out and get your toes done... or a bikini wax... or buy a new pencil skirt, what ever it takes to make you feel extra cute. Because beauty does not measure self worth it simply assures everyone (including yourself on those bad days) that you have it!

And if you happen to be on a tight budget here are some free or (almost free) things you can do to kick it up a little bit!

*whiten your teeth with peroxide on a q-tip (once every three days, you will see a noticeable change in a week and not have to pay for Crest White strips)

*tweeze your brows - a simple clean up can make a huge difference

*smile - it really is the sexiest thing you can do with your face!

*wear those sexy heals you bought on a whim and are sitting in the back of your closet to work. (Even if you have to wear boots until you get in the front door)

*put a TINY bit of blush on your chin and forehead for that summer sun kissed look

*paint your nails (take your time and it will be worth it!)

Ok ladies (sorry guys I will try to make the next one more interesting - if there are any guys even reading this), well that is it. Make your outside as cute as your inside and don't feel bad about doing it. Vanity is not knowing you are cute and loving it, it is having excessive pride in your looks. That is a huge difference. So go forth and be beautiful.

**Special thanks to Kelly Beverly as Chrome Salon for bringing my hair back to life!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Baby Shower... Really?!?!

I am fully aware that women need to celebrate the milestones in their lives. And I am also aware that I may sound like an episode of Sex and the City circa 2001. But I really don't understand why I have to sit through the same old crap at every baby shower I go to (please note this also includes bridal showers and even bachelorette parties). I mean with all the technology, news at our finger tips, blogs filled with ideas from all over the world. I have to look at a melted candy bar in a diaper and tell you what I think it is. I would rather that you just give me the (non melted) candy bar and let me watch Psych on my iPod while the rest of you try not to say the word "baby". There I said it now take my clothespin so I can have an adult conversation.

Don't get me wrong, I love babies, a lot. No, I do not currently own any of my own and the verdict is still out on wether or not I will in the future. (yes, I am fully aware I am 35 and I hear the ticking, but I like to drowned it out with some Blue Eyed Soul from England). But even when I start to think that procreating is a good idea I have a friend get pregnant and suck all of the magic out of having some little alien life form feeding off of you and making you fat (ter than you already are) and making it impossible to sit through an entire episode of Mad Men without peeing 28 times. So don't give me the "babies are blessing from God" look. Because, so are husbands, and God seems to be dragging his feet on that one too, but I digress. :)

So really, all I am saying is that I would love to go to your baby/bridal/some other thing I have yet to do shower. But can you please be creative. Can we laugh about stupid baby stories we have hear before,  look at old pictures, laugh about how we cannot believe that God would intrust this person with a little life. I mean as we get older and busier the times friends get together in the same room is few and far between. So can we take advantage of this time. I am sure that being pregnant does not suck out all of the fun you used to be in your  pre-gestational life time, right out of your body when the sperm hits the egg. I know you can't "drop it like it's hot" at 8 months. But I don't want to guess what baby food is housed in the unlabeled jar being shoved in my face, and all the other cute little games your best buddy at your job designed to make your sarcastic friend that you have had for years, have to choke down vomit to show how much she loves you.

here are my ideas for a baby shower (if I do head down the mommy road):
juice shooters - you don't need alcohol to laugh after flinging your head back and drinking something quickly. The actual physical motion causes the laughter, not the alcohol.

pin the umbilical  cord on the baby - who wouldn't want to see their friends waving around a pink coil of construction paper while donning a sleep mask. It is only fair, since they would have watched my trying to navigate with a huge belly for the past few moths.

make your own ____________ - I am saying I will be pregnant, and hungry. Heck I am always hungry now and there are no additional life form floating around in my body. So make the eating fun. it can be tacos, cupcakes, you name it. But it just gives you a chance to eat and laugh with good friends.

Maybe my shower sounds boring to you, that's cool, stay home. But shouldn't it be about old and new friends getting together and laughing, sharing stories and giving advice? That is what I would want. And if I was one of those lucky few who have no struggles during their pregnancy, I am all about the dancing and singing at my shower.

Well, I have to wrap this up. I am actually heading to a shower in a few minutes. (really). So we shall SEE.


Let me first start by saying, Welcome to my blog. I hoe you enjoy it. Shoot, I hope I enjoy it. I had to run a blog for a class I recently took and love to read my little sister's blog "alittleofthisandawholelottathat" which always makes me hungry. This is the problem with being the "big"sister. Not just in age.

I am a completely random person who really loves life but also enjoys complaining about the obvious and not so obvious. Complaining is not really the right word. I like to discuss in colorful words and terms the oddness of people, traditions and what have you.

I have no idea if my rants and raves will interest anyone in the world. But I will gladly throw my perspective out into this cyberjungle for all to peruse and see what happens.

I can't promise that I will update regularly or have a specific goal to my posts. But I am pretty sure all will be packed with a lot of humor and some usable insight. I am in love with Jesus so at times, much like in life, I reference Him. I am not trying to choke anyone with my beliefs. But it would be like a happily married woman trying not to gush about her husband. She is not promoting marriage just enjoying that which has made her life balanced and amazingly better. If someone falls in love with Him because of my infectious love for Him that is awesome. If not, that's ok, in a sense. But I will ask that no matter what I post that you respect my MAN!! LOL!!! (anything else is yours for the commenting!)

So I am sure this was the worst welcome of all time. But it is also probably a good indicator of what to expect on this blog - any and everything.