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I am well into my 30s and realize that I see the world differently than most of the people in my life. My views and beliefs are eclectically infused by my multi-racial background, love of the triune, over active brain, dual handedness and open mind to way too many things.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

You can't "Post"pone the feelings

So I see a post on Facebook from a "friend" that may or may not have been directed at me. She vented about how she could measure her real friends based on her recent move to a new town, and proceeded to list by name the only two friends she could count on. As you may have guessed I did not make that very short list. So if I do not call you as much as I did when you lived within walking distance, or don't just drop by because that would require filling up my gas tank more than once (well maybe not now with the Mini) I am not a friend. That obscured reality left me slightly puzzled. I find it funny that I never measured our friendship, and in fact it really takes a great deal of selfishness, manipulation and/or complete and utter disregard for yourself for me to really consider removing you from my circle. (Note - this in no way refers to my inner circle).

But come on. Do we really need to write these juvenile pleas for attention on a social site? Not only that, but do I need to know your man looked at someone while you were eating at Applebee's? Your baby daddy is getting married and you don't give a f*@k. And I am fully aware of what this says about the people I call "friends" on social networking sites, but some of them are regular competent people off line. Do we lose sight of the level of non-anonymity these sites really offer? Do we forget that right next to this posting of complete and shameless belligerence is a photo of ourselves? What has become of us that we can air our dirty laundry for the world and think nothing of it? Do we think that little of ourselves? And I am ashamed of the fact that it is usually women committing these foolish acts.

If you are lonely, be lonely. If you are mad, sad, angry, hurt or any other biting emotion go ahead and embrace it. But as I have always told young women (usually in reference to boys) - be careful what you write down!

When we show overly emotional displays to all 598 "friends" on a social site, our true friends are often times negatively impacted by it. If I am hurting I pick up the phone. When my heart was broken to the point where I was worried about being nonsensical, I went to the homes of those I truly loved and laid on the couch watching tv and laughing or crying to get through it. I did not post a monologue of pain and venom on Facebook.

When one of my very best friends walked out of my life I didn't talk about her using some vague description on Twitter. I leaned on my other friends to get me through it.

In my eyes Facebook, Twitter and all the others are for FUN!!! Not for over emotionally charged diatribes used to get the attention of one, but read by hundreds. It sickens me to think that we have become a people that cannot call on friends and admit hurt, defeat, fear or all those other emotions we push under the carpet for lack of wanting to admit that we actually feel them. Instead we will make light of the situation by "posting" a version of our pain that has been turned on its ear. Does it dull the sting? Lessen the bite? I don't think so. But maybe that is just me.

Pain brings a better understanding of joy. Loneliness brings a sweetness to love. Pressure turns coal into a diamond. If we constantly escape or make light of the negative emotions, we cannot possibly find or feel the good ones when they come.

If I had really hurt the woman who wrote the friendship post and she and called me to discuss it I could have told her that my life is crazy right now. That she remains in my prayers, that I read her posts to feel closer to her. But I would have also told her that I think she is moving too fast in certain areas of her life, that she should focus more on getting good employment.  But maybe this may be why there was a post and not a call. Because being real friends is hard and friendships come with every emotion listed in this post. But the good far outweighs the bad, at least in true friendships.