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I am well into my 30s and realize that I see the world differently than most of the people in my life. My views and beliefs are eclectically infused by my multi-racial background, love of the triune, over active brain, dual handedness and open mind to way too many things.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

A case of the What Ifs!

So as I was leaving work today I felt a mixture of emotions. My school was hosting a math and reading night and I wanted to be a part of it... sort of... ok so I felt obligated to be there. But the problem was I lead a bible study every Tuesday night and we had just gotten back into the swing of things for the new year. So I headed home with my head pounding and a strong desire to lay down and not worry about this handful of women who would begin arriving at my home around 6:30ish. I honestly didn't feel like dealing with it. Some nights no one talks but me, those nights are an exception, but in my wearied state I hoped that it would not be one of those nights.
I hopped in the shower, wrote up the lesson and went downstairs to relax and try to get rid of the ache in my head before any one could knock at the door. Then I got a call and one of the women who come to the bible study had gotten a  flat tire. She anxiously explained that she didn't know who else to call. I told her it was not a problem, waited for someone to show up so they could answer the door for the others and headed out to fix the flat. From the time I headed out the door until I said goodbye to the last of the ladies I forgot about the headache.

I know this doesn't seem like a blog worthy story, but I have omitted the meaty portion, until now. In between those two moments I unknowingly let God have his way. I started the bible study off of the topic that I planned and began talking about salvation. Now don't get me wrong, I bring up salvation, hell and all the other topics those happy Christians gloss over from time to time. But with this unseen ring of fire encircling my head I had decided to stick to the script. Then that question that I always thought was a bit too corny and obvious popped into my head, and I shared it with the group even prefacing it with the fact that I rarely asked this question so bluntly. I simply said "If you died tonight on the way home where would you end up?" My flesh caused me to chat it up a little too much explaining how different people may answer the question and letting the ladies know that I would be asking them about it privately later. Then one woman asked me if accepting Christ was a big moment.

I stop to reflect on how easily people can make this simple step of perfection seem like an unfathomable challenge. I have watched over the last year as this woman went from not knowing how to pray for a simple request for the work place to buying a bible to now asking if she needed to do something special to be saved.

So I smiled and asked a few simple questions (if you don't know them let me know and I will ask you about them too!) and watched as her life was transformed. Then shook her hand and giggled to stifle the tears.

The rest of the night was pretty amazing too. As we shared about being ambassadors for Christ, the impact actually seeing and understanding his holiness can have on a person and the importance of His death and resurrection. (OK so it was a deep conversation).

Needless to say, I shed a few tears as we prayed out and I said goodbye to one another. And it was not until I closed my door for the last time this evening that I felt the pain searing in my temples. I am sure the headache never subsided the entire night. But when the Spirit is at work there is no room for physical limitation.

So I lay here tonight thinking "what if?"

What if I canceled bible study tonight because my head hurt?

What if I focused on my pain instead of others' growth?

What if I didn't have faith enough in God to start this bible study?

What if someone never took the time to pout into my life?

What if He had never called me?

Life is full of what if moments. I am so thankful for His mercy and grace. He didn't need me for this transformation tonight. He doesn't need any of us to do this work. But He calls us. He call us to come along side Him. Along side the Creator!! To work with Him. How amazing is that. With headaches, broken bodies, bleeding hearts and sin filled lives... He died for us so we could work next to Him!

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