What Does it Really Pay to "Discover"

Written December 4, 2008 on Facebook. 


So I was watching tv today… Ok, really I was watching a television show on the internet!! (The best thing about technology taking over everything) Anyways, I saw this Discover Card commercial that said something to the effect of life is cool and there is so much cool stuff out there that we all want. (I was in agreement at this point) and then it went on to say that it is ok to want all of it and to have all of it, you just need a credit card that gives you great rewards. (If you have not guessed by now this is where I stopped agreeing with the commercial). I guess I need to back track a little bit. I am a recovering spend-a-holic. A few months ago I was sitting on the stoop with a friend who has three kids and a non working husband and realized that she and her family were poor. Not strapped for cash, hitting a rough spot or anything like that. I sat there in mid conversation and realized that this woman I had shared so many laughs with over the last year was not just poor but well below the poverty line. I am not a cold hearted self absorbed person, I had done my part of dropping things off here and there to help out or just make the day a little better. And we had shared our faith, dreams and aspirations. It was just that I had really honestly never known what it was like to have next to nothing. Even on my worst day I have my parents to fund dreams, help clean up mistakes and just support my love for fashion. 
At the same time I was going through this revelation that my, what I considered to be low budget, life seemed extravagant to the people I had met over the last year. I started to tabulate all the times I had come home with bags of clothes, purses and shoes and they were tucking kids in with half empty bellies. I was then hit head on with financial stewardship being the new topic at church. I decided, in the heat of the sermon to take a financial fast. I tried to keep it a secret, but I am a shopper and when I don’t shop people really notice, and as I began to tell others about my choice it was cool to see the reactions. Aside from gas, basic foods and a few fellowship commitments I had made prior to the fast my money only went to bills and giving. 
In little over a month, a lot changes to a person when you have to pay attention to every single cent you spend, make sure it is a needed purchase and that God approves of it. I could go on but the point I was originally trying to make was about the commercial. YES! There is a lot of cool stuff out there, and it is only human to want it. But, there are so many more things and people that you could spend your time and money on. There will always be a better tv, iPod, pair of Ugg boots or whatever it is that makes you want to pull out the plastic and face the consequences later. So you can get the card that gives you 5% cash back on all purchases made between 3:46 and 3:52AM in Fiji. Or you can take some time and run your financial plan pass God and really see some true REWARDS. 
Since the economy is taking a nose dive knit a scarf, write a poem, give a hug or whatever. Just remember that it only takes a simple action to show someone the love that they need, but it takes like 30 years to pay off a $45 purchase on a Discover card! 
NOTE: My notes are a simple chronicle of my life, which encompasses my walk with God. Feel free to read and comment regardless of what you do or do not believe in. After my first one I saw that it got all my people from all beliefs talking and I loved it. So no matter what you have to say, this is what I have to say. And in this big spending, over-commercialized, extremely skewed season of shop ‘til you drop to prove you love, status, and wealth to others, time of year (Oh yeah that was originally designed to celebrate the birth of Christ), I just wanted to give you all a little something to think about. 

Black Like Me.. Something worth Reposting

Written January 20, 2009 on Facebook. 

The last few days have been mind blowing reflecting on Dr. King and the events that will take place in just a few hours. I have listened to so many people openly discuss everything from their love for Dr. King to their frustration with Obama. For the most part it was all talk of pride, joy and a dream finally fulfilled. And I was happy to engage in these conversations and give my two cents when and where I could. But in a room filled with Black people just having fun and keeping it light someone blurted out "We are about to have the first Black president sworn in just a few days." My heart jumped, smiles filled the room and people were excited. Then a woman remarks “Yeah, but he is not really Black”. 

Being that Obama is “Black like me” (definition – has one Black parent and one white, or what I like to call Black with benefits) I was very offended. Honestly I usually don’t care when people make these foolish statements because if I did I would have spent a great portion of my childhood mad. But this week is too huge to let this ignorance slide. Multi-ethnic people like myself who are biologically ½ Black spend the majority of their lives being thrown into whatever category fits for the people who bring their race into the matter.
If we do something wrong or break a law, procreate at a young unmarried age, struggle in school or make the evening news for some illegal act, we are BLACK. No one runs behind the story and says “Yeah, He looks Black but his momma is White.” Or “Another darker complected White girl just had a baby outside of marriage and so now your taxes have to go up.” In every negative scenario we are just as Black as the Black next person. 
So we walk the streets in a society that looks at us as Black, and we live that way. But as soon as we do something great like, oh I don’t know, become the 44th president of the United States of America, everyone makes sure our complete heritage is mentioned enough times so there is no mistaking that a Black person and a White person were involved in the creation of said person. Whenever we win it all, beat the odds, make a difference or a lot of money we become some complex racial being of more than just run of the mill Black. 
We also spend a great deal of our lives having the people who walk beside us in the racial indifference that still resonates in this country, look at us differently as well. We have been the topic of many talks that went something like “Oh she thinks she is better than me because she is half white”. In all honesty, to those of you who feel that way, I am better than you, not because my DNA or curly hair, but because of my heart. 
But if we openly say we are more than just Black (Mariah, Tiger…) we are looked at as the race traitors of the new millennium, or poor confused Black people. Not people who have chosen to openly express their full culture up front. 
When you don’t know me and you look at me I am Black. When you do know me and my family tree I am still Black. No matter what you think or say or do I am a strong proud Black woman who had the privilege of being raised and loved by a strong proud man who by the grace of God is White. I am in no way shunning a portion of my heritage. If you hang out with me long enough you may get some Kringler or other Swedish yummy, know that I am proud to be of Scandinavian decent, and that I can hold my own in a crowd full of any kind of people. All of this is because I have embraced who I am and all of the elements that made me that way. 
So in a few minutes I will fully enjoy watching the first Black President of the United States of America take his rightful place at the head of this broken nation! I hope you see the same man I see today!

PS- Thank you to Solidad O'Brian for taking this concept to the masses!!

A case of the What Ifs!

So as I was leaving work today I felt a mixture of emotions. My school was hosting a math and reading night and I wanted to be a part of it... sort of... ok so I felt obligated to be there. But the problem was I lead a bible study every Tuesday night and we had just gotten back into the swing of things for the new year. So I headed home with my head pounding and a strong desire to lay down and not worry about this handful of women who would begin arriving at my home around 6:30ish. I honestly didn't feel like dealing with it. Some nights no one talks but me, those nights are an exception, but in my wearied state I hoped that it would not be one of those nights.
I hopped in the shower, wrote up the lesson and went downstairs to relax and try to get rid of the ache in my head before any one could knock at the door. Then I got a call and one of the women who come to the bible study had gotten a  flat tire. She anxiously explained that she didn't know who else to call. I told her it was not a problem, waited for someone to show up so they could answer the door for the others and headed out to fix the flat. From the time I headed out the door until I said goodbye to the last of the ladies I forgot about the headache.

I know this doesn't seem like a blog worthy story, but I have omitted the meaty portion, until now. In between those two moments I unknowingly let God have his way. I started the bible study off of the topic that I planned and began talking about salvation. Now don't get me wrong, I bring up salvation, hell and all the other topics those happy Christians gloss over from time to time. But with this unseen ring of fire encircling my head I had decided to stick to the script. Then that question that I always thought was a bit too corny and obvious popped into my head, and I shared it with the group even prefacing it with the fact that I rarely asked this question so bluntly. I simply said "If you died tonight on the way home where would you end up?" My flesh caused me to chat it up a little too much explaining how different people may answer the question and letting the ladies know that I would be asking them about it privately later. Then one woman asked me if accepting Christ was a big moment.

I stop to reflect on how easily people can make this simple step of perfection seem like an unfathomable challenge. I have watched over the last year as this woman went from not knowing how to pray for a simple request for the work place to buying a bible to now asking if she needed to do something special to be saved.

So I smiled and asked a few simple questions (if you don't know them let me know and I will ask you about them too!) and watched as her life was transformed. Then shook her hand and giggled to stifle the tears.

The rest of the night was pretty amazing too. As we shared about being ambassadors for Christ, the impact actually seeing and understanding his holiness can have on a person and the importance of His death and resurrection. (OK so it was a deep conversation).

Needless to say, I shed a few tears as we prayed out and I said goodbye to one another. And it was not until I closed my door for the last time this evening that I felt the pain searing in my temples. I am sure the headache never subsided the entire night. But when the Spirit is at work there is no room for physical limitation.

So I lay here tonight thinking "what if?"

What if I canceled bible study tonight because my head hurt?

What if I focused on my pain instead of others' growth?

What if I didn't have faith enough in God to start this bible study?

What if someone never took the time to pout into my life?

What if He had never called me?

Life is full of what if moments. I am so thankful for His mercy and grace. He didn't need me for this transformation tonight. He doesn't need any of us to do this work. But He calls us. He call us to come along side Him. Along side the Creator!! To work with Him. How amazing is that. With headaches, broken bodies, bleeding hearts and sin filled lives... He died for us so we could work next to Him!

Watch what you say... it could have a bigger impact than you expected!

So I attend a bible study (D-Group) on Thursdays. We talk about Sunday's sermon, eat and laugh... you now, we fellowship!! The topic was church discipline, which sad to say I had limited knowledge of until this month. 


So as we were sharing somehow (I cannot remember how because it was after 8 pm and my mind slows around that time) we got onto the topic of adultery. One of my brothers gave this example from his life when he was married and talking about how he would say "I will never cheat! I am not that guy". He then described a conversation he had with a guy that pointed out that David was a man after God's own heart and he cheated, Solomon was the wisest and he cheated... (you get the point). AS he was talking the conversation went in a few directions and I just tucked what he said in the back of my mind.


Later that night I chatted with my "big brother" about my current relationship and a lot of missteps I had made in the past with this man and with others. It was a nice talk because for the first time I was really ahead of his advice. (you know not embarrassed and ashamed, but fully doing the things he was talking about). As our conversation moved to goofy chats and (faith based) sibling banter. I again tucked the words away thinking I would need to reflect on them later down the road when I was weaker in my walk! 


Neither of these men had said things that I thought were of great significance for my current situation. But I have been in the Christian game long enough to know that when something stands out hold onto it, because it will most likely come in handy one day. And the very next night I was faced with a choice that I would have not seen as one that could have led sin before their talks. 


*The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.
Proverbs 12:14-16


**Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying that the next night I was propositioned for sex. It was NOTHING like that! I am in a God led relationship that has had some bumps in the road, but we both love God and respect each other and our walk(s) with Christ. 


It was an innocent request on his part and I knew it. I agreed (because I knew he was innocent in his thinking) and then quickly felt God nudge me. Then the words from a friend's friend about me not being stronger or better than these biblical giants untucked themselves and danced across my mind's eye.  Before I could call him back to alter the plans my big brothers words that had once seemed like confirmation now looked like a warning. I began to pray. I didn't pray for strength but instead for the ability to acknowledge my weakness. To share my weakness with this man in a healthy way that would allow him to see ways to lead me and protect me, even from himself at times. 


*But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12: 8-10.



After the prayer I called him and tried to cancel the plans. Because they were not a sin trigger for him my request seemed odd. At first he was openly frustrated with me. (I mean do you know what it is like to be two 30-something year olds going on dates to the mall and Target, to stay away from sin, and one of the pair shoots down an innocent idea because she is too hot in the britches for your simple plan?) But God softened his heart and opened his ears and we were able to work through it and have a great evening that led to a closer relationship instead of sin. 


This post is not to show how I took the Christian "highroad" because my tread has been worn thinmore times than not on that other path. I am fully aware that my journey is only good when I hand the map and flashlight over to Jesus! I want people to see that had these two men in my life chosen not to share their thoughts and past stories I would have not had them to reflect on, and this could have been a very different post. 


So when you have a chance to share a story, advice or wisdom, SHARE IT!!! You have no idea what God can do with your words! We are all sinners and need the tales of the other's pasts to assist us in out present and help seal the deal on the blessing God has for our futures!!


Thanks to my brothers in Christ for unknowingly helping a sister out!!!




Scriptures!
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
Romans 8:25-27
And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling,
1 Corinthians 2:2-4 
Behold, you people of Israel, all of you, give your advice and counsel here."
Judges 20:6-8 
By insolence comes nothing but strife, but with those who take advice is wisdom.
Proverbs 13:9-11

You can't "Post"pone the feelings

So I see a post on Facebook from a "friend" that may or may not have been directed at me. She vented about how she could measure her real friends based on her recent move to a new town, and proceeded to list by name the only two friends she could count on. As you may have guessed I did not make that very short list. So if I do not call you as much as I did when you lived within walking distance, or don't just drop by because that would require filling up my gas tank more than once (well maybe not now with the Mini) I am not a friend. That obscured reality left me slightly puzzled. I find it funny that I never measured our friendship, and in fact it really takes a great deal of selfishness, manipulation and/or complete and utter disregard for yourself for me to really consider removing you from my circle. (Note - this in no way refers to my inner circle).

But come on. Do we really need to write these juvenile pleas for attention on a social site? Not only that, but do I need to know your man looked at someone while you were eating at Applebee's? Your baby daddy is getting married and you don't give a f*@k. And I am fully aware of what this says about the people I call "friends" on social networking sites, but some of them are regular competent people off line. Do we lose sight of the level of non-anonymity these sites really offer? Do we forget that right next to this posting of complete and shameless belligerence is a photo of ourselves? What has become of us that we can air our dirty laundry for the world and think nothing of it? Do we think that little of ourselves? And I am ashamed of the fact that it is usually women committing these foolish acts.

If you are lonely, be lonely. If you are mad, sad, angry, hurt or any other biting emotion go ahead and embrace it. But as I have always told young women (usually in reference to boys) - be careful what you write down!

When we show overly emotional displays to all 598 "friends" on a social site, our true friends are often times negatively impacted by it. If I am hurting I pick up the phone. When my heart was broken to the point where I was worried about being nonsensical, I went to the homes of those I truly loved and laid on the couch watching tv and laughing or crying to get through it. I did not post a monologue of pain and venom on Facebook.

When one of my very best friends walked out of my life I didn't talk about her using some vague description on Twitter. I leaned on my other friends to get me through it.

In my eyes Facebook, Twitter and all the others are for FUN!!! Not for over emotionally charged diatribes used to get the attention of one, but read by hundreds. It sickens me to think that we have become a people that cannot call on friends and admit hurt, defeat, fear or all those other emotions we push under the carpet for lack of wanting to admit that we actually feel them. Instead we will make light of the situation by "posting" a version of our pain that has been turned on its ear. Does it dull the sting? Lessen the bite? I don't think so. But maybe that is just me.

Pain brings a better understanding of joy. Loneliness brings a sweetness to love. Pressure turns coal into a diamond. If we constantly escape or make light of the negative emotions, we cannot possibly find or feel the good ones when they come.

If I had really hurt the woman who wrote the friendship post and she and called me to discuss it I could have told her that my life is crazy right now. That she remains in my prayers, that I read her posts to feel closer to her. But I would have also told her that I think she is moving too fast in certain areas of her life, that she should focus more on getting good employment.  But maybe this may be why there was a post and not a call. Because being real friends is hard and friendships come with every emotion listed in this post. But the good far outweighs the bad, at least in true friendships.

Pretty Means Perfect and Beautiful Means Better

So I have a friend who is extremely beautiful. I have known him for almost 20 years and have seen a transformation from a humble guy who just liked the regular things in life, could hold a good conversation and enjoyed the simple side, and is now a eccentric mid 30 year old who does not notice or obey social norms. The things that we learn from societies reactions to our behavior are very important to the development of our character. Like when you are young, if you pick your nose, people will make a terrible face at you (at least I do, there is no age where it is ok to stick your finger in your nose in front of others) and you begin to learn that it is not an appropriate behavior. Or when you embarrass someone with a comment and they change their tone or even end the conversation with you. These are all cues that we learn from society that help shape us into upstanding adults. Because, lets face it, your mom can swat your hand from your nose a thousand times and still have less of an impact as catching one persons disgusted look.

But what happens when you are so pretty (as my friend is) that society in general turns a blind eye to your little missteps, your odd remarks and your nose picking? What happens when no one backs up momma's advice because they don't want to risk being removed form your company, or ending the conversation or just hurting the feeling of a beautiful person? What happens is this, that beautiful person becomes a little uglier on the inside. They become less relevant to the things that matter in this world, they become less interesting and they become only their looks. If they have a talent like singing, acting or something that we can consume we are more apt to forgive them. But we still hold them in such high regard based on their beauty.

I bring this up, not because I have a issue with beautiful people, I love looking at God's handiwork. But because we put such emphasis on looks as it is, and when a person comes along with that knock you over freakishly beautiful beauty, we actually short change them. I am always telling my friend to do this or don't do that and that I am going to one day do a study on the effect of his beauty on his social development.  Had he never found out he was so pretty on the outside I would probably still be chasing behind the beautiful man that he was on the inside (I admit I chased the outside too! Shoot, I am no saint and I was only 19!). It saddenS me that the potential I saw in him at 19 was lost over 15+ years of people letting little things slide because of his outward appearance.

The same goes for others with the "super pretty gene"! We overlook Angelina Jolie's whoring, bed hopping, husband stealing ways, not because she is with Brad Pitt or feeding hungry people and adopting half of the brown babies of the world. She receives a pardon from her personality because she is beautiful. We cried so much harder when Alliyah died than Left Eye because of her uncanny beauty. And we overlooked the fact that Alicia Keys got pregnant by a married man that she was blatantly having an affair with because she looked so cute with her baby bump at their wedding and can sing.

So my theory is that had Angelina been just regular beautiful someone may have scolded her for her trampy ways and she may have changed before decimating several relationships. Maybe Alicia Keys Beats would have chosen a different route and maybe my boy would be more of the man he was intended to be. But we shall never know... and I apologize if my striking beauty has had a negative impact on anyone's life. I will try to do better.

It is not the only the beauties at fault in these less than magnanimous tragedies, but also the beholder. There is nothing wrong with a pretty face unless it is so pretty that it never learns when it is wrong.

I'm Back

So honestly I am unsure if anyone out there will even notice that I have returned to blog again. I suffered a bit of a heart break and did not want to write a bunch of jaded or sappy mess on this blog so I decided to just be silent for a while.
Now back to life in general and my take on it!